I miss my wife and daughter.
Really, missing them is the only thing I can concentrate on right now. I swear I’m trying my best to be responsible, I’m putting every bit of attention I can muster towards filling my role as the Champion of Ursundova. But honestly Journal, I am mightily distracted. I just can’t stop thinking about them. I can’t stop missing them.
Maybe this distraction is why I couldn’t hit the broadside of a blue dragon during the fight in the keep. It’s a good thing everyone else was so far above the top of their games that we made it through with hardly a scratch. Honestly, I’m just glad it’s over. There was a lot of blood up there when we were done. I guess I didn’t remember how sickening it can be to have to kill people.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it all worked out, I’m really thrilled with how it turned out. It’s great that the Fort is liberated and we’re the (sort of) heroes. It’s fantastic that Gaeren’s crazy plan worked and we were able to take the fort with the minimum amount of bloodshed. And it’s super exciting that we can now look forward to killing endless hordes of Tiger Lords and gods know what else before we can pretend that Ursundova is reasonably safe again. It’s good to be useful. It’s good to be protecting people.
But really…really really…the only thing I’m excited about is seeing my family again. If all goes right, the day after tomorrow I’ll be back with Nina at my side and Elora in my arms. I know I have vows to upkeep and duties to perform in Ursundova, but at the end of the day it’s my family I’m doing this for. Adventuring for the sake of adventure doesn’t quite do it for me anymore.
I’ve actually done a lot of thinking about this lately Journal. I keep asking myself why I’m still doing this. I mean, why aren’t I focusing my attention on the two people in the world I really want to be with?
Well, the simple answer is because I can. The person I am is someone who can defend others. Whether or not they’re the ones I’ve pledged my life to, I’m still morally obligated to help those who need it.
But it is something more. I know it sounds corny, but I really want to build a better world for Elora. Tragedies like what happened here are reminders of why we can’t be complacent. Good people can’t just look away and hope that things will turn out for the best. Those that can fight, have to. Otherwise the darkness will win.
I know Nina understands this…hell, she probably understands it better than I do. Someday I hope that Elora will understand it as well. And then someday when I’m away from her, fighting another sick bastard in another bloody hall, I hope she’ll still be proud of her dad.
Gods I can’t wait to see them again.